Loneliness is painful, isolating, and consuming. It also puts your health at risk. Hawkley, et al [PDF], found increased risk for poorer sleep quality and worse cardiac performance in the lonely.
There are two major types of loneliness: transient and chronic.
Transient loneliness occurs in response to an event such as the loss of a relationship, a job transition, or relocating.
Chronic loneliness may result after having failed to recover from transient loneliness. It can also arise completely independent of events that trigger transient loneliness, but instead due to other biological factors, such as physiological diseases that interfere with everyday functioning (e.g. cancer, MS, ALS, or muscular dystrophy).
Depression and chronic loneliness influence each other. Cacioppo, et al [PDF], found “reciprocal influences over time between loneliness and depressive symptomatology” and that “can act in a synergistic effect to diminish well-being in middle-aged and older adults.” To get a feel for whether your loneliness is chronic or transient, ask yourself the following:
- How long have I felt lonely?
- Is it connected to a particular event or loss?
- Is my support system intact?
- Are my sleep patterns normal?
- Have I grown anhedonic and stopped feeling joy or passion in anything?
- How depressed am I?
- Have any health issues affected my lifestyle?
Getting a sense for whether loneliness is chronic or transient gives you an advance feel for the path to recovery. The transiently lonely have an easier time snapping out of it. Their support systems tend to be more intact. They’re also more connected to social habits accompanying the interactions in their recent past. The chronically lonely, meanwhile, face an uphill battle of having to remember how to interact in ways that now feel foreign, but may also have to lay an entirely new foundation for a support system. Daunting!
The good news is that whether your loneliness is chronic or transient, you approach beating it pretty similarly. Take the following baby steps to beat loneliness and start feeling connected:
- Reach out to family, friends, acquaintances, and people from your past.
- Don’t be afraid to meet new people.
- Get involved in your local community. (Reading the local paper can be a good first step.)
- Schedule a frequent activity involving at least one other person. (E.g., exercising, taking a class, joining a book club, having a weekly movie or gaming night.)
- Affirm that you are lovable and valuable, in front of a mirror.
- Volunteer for a cause close to your heart. It’ll renew your sense of purpose and help you feel like you’re making a difference—because you are!
- Find an “accountability partner” to serve as your sounding board as you experiment with new things.
- Get professional help from a therapist.
With a little patience and consistency, you’ll overcome loneliness. Taking things slowly, at a pace you can handle, is the key to making lasting and successful life changes. Planning and scheduling deadlines for your actions will help you get and keep control over your life. Start feeling better now.